Reflections of a Year

Reflecting

“I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭77:11-12‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Most of us will spend this week reflecting on the past year and our hopes for the year ahead.  This has been a tough year, but one that has deepened our faith. I have more wrinkles, more gray hair, a few extra pounds...but, I also have a deeper relationship with my Lord and Savior.  My quiet time yesterday was focused on the many "reflections" of God I've seen this year.  He carried us through health issues this year that began in January and we can hopefully leave as a memory in 2016. He encouraged us when we were discouraged with how difficult it can be to have a daughter in middle school.  He gave us a deeper desire to learn and study His word to have a Biblical world view. Even with all of this, I still feel that there are so many reflections that I have yet to see. That gives me much hope for the upcoming year. My focus is in making my reflection more beautiful to Him....

What am I reflecting? 

When I look in the mirror do I see a reflection of Him or of the world? The worldly part of me reflects my jealousy, my urge to be liked, my earthly desires. I pray my reflection continues to evolve into Him. That even with the struggles - you will see Him instead of me.  Looking past the wrinkles to appreciate that with the wrinkles also came an increased knowledge of my faith. That I will be able to reflect back on my growth and look forward to an even "prettier" reflection next year.

Who am I reflecting? 

I want to reflect transparency. With transparency also comes vulnerability. Allowing others to see my pain and hurt. Allowing others to see the One that gives me strength. Any blessing has come from Him. The heartbreak is made easier thru Him. When I look in the mirror - I want my reflection to be Him.  I still see too much of me and my hope is in the coming year that reflection continues to change.  

As we reflect on this year, I am grateful for the many opportunities to deepen my Christian walk. I am grateful that while we aren't big on "resolutions" that we all committed to continuing to change our reflection. 

Lord,

I have seen many of Your faces this year. Comforter, protector, encourager, friend, giver of grace. You have walked with us, You have carried us. You have protected us. You have supplied our needs. You have calmed our hearts. You have deepened our desire for You. You have opened our minds to learn. You have never left us. We praise You for this year. We pray that we will become a better reflection of You in the upcoming year. 

Amen

Commitments

Rethinking Commitments

I'm tired. Don't feel sorry for me. Most of my tired comes from "elective" activities. Commitments that I signed up for freely and under maybe just the slightest amount of guilt. But, nevertheless, they are things I signed up for. 

A full time job, a family, numerous volunteer organizations and I'm tired.  Then he (a colleague) said, "I think we need to reset our commitments." What?!?!?!? Are you kidding me? Do you know I am running on about 3 hours sleep. Do you know I got up an hour early to help at my child's school? Do you know that my husband's love language is quality time and I have not been able to spend any with him in five days?! Do you know that I have a 5:30 AM flight in the morning which means another three hours of sleep....my mind flooded with all of the clever remarks that I could say....I will show him...rethink my commitments my foot (hopefully your mom taught you what that means!)...I will make you think - rethink your commitments. Ha!

Then, by His grace, I thought. First, let me review what my commitments have been. I reviewed the last six weeks and I saw where, not because I had been lazy or neglectful - but just have had several unforeseen events come up, I began to see why he felt I was elsewhere. Next, I stopped to pray. Help me to immediately turn this over to You. Quiet my mouth and help me to speak in kindness. Do not allow this small event to steal my joy for this day you have given me. 

Our talk went fine and it was clear that I had done a poor job communicating events that were likely to be getting in the way of our scheduled time. I had under communicated and over committed.  (An issue that can cause great problems if you long to make everyone around you happy).

As we are nearing the end of 2016, are you over committed and under communicating with our Savior? He can sometimes be the easy target for busy schedules.  

I challenge you , as I plan to do, to reset the communication with the Savior. Not a New Year's resolution , but a New You resolution! For there is no better way to live a life of peace than one committed to your communication with Him. Give your day to Him. Give your life to Him. Even if someone tries to steal your joy, go back and recommit it to Him. 

I mentioned my 5:30 AM flight, meant alarm clock set at 2:50 AM. But, even still, I gave my first moments to Him. Reading my devotion for the day and turning my day and my life into His hands. 

Lord,

You made me in your perfect way. You knew that I would want those around me to be happy. You also knew that would mean I would be tempted to say "Yes" far too many times. You've been gracious to show me what my loved ones need to feel my love. I thank You for the reminder to reset my commitments. My first commitment is to You. I commit my days to You. You know I will need reminding from time to time. Remind me that my joy rests in You and is not up for the taking. Quieten my heart and mind when I begin to feel my joy is at risk. It is Yours.    Amen

“Let your heart therefore be wholly true to the Lord our God, walking in his statutes and keeping his commandments, as at this day."”

‭‭1 Kings‬ ‭8:61‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Above The Clouds

"To him who alone does great wonders, His love endures forever. who by his understanding made the heavens, His love endures forever. who spread out the earth upon the waters, His love endures forever. who made the great lights— His love endures forever. the sun to govern the day, His love endures forever. the moon and stars to govern the night; His love endures forever.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭136:4-9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

On a recent flight, I looked out the plane window and saw this beautiful sight out my window.  We were flying above the clouds. 

As childish as it sounds, since I lost my mom I love to fly. When we get above the clouds I feel closer to her. Almost like I am closer to heaven. 

On this flight, I was also reminded that if I can stay focused above the clouds - His light shines brighter. 

This was a very cloudy day on the ground. But look at how beautiful it is above the clouds. A bright and beautiful day. Bright with His creation - but hidden from the ground by this layer of clouds.

When I make the decision to not focus on the cloud - but to focus on the Son - I shine brighter. I could focus on what is wrong - OR - I can stay focused on what He has done for me by providing His Son. 

I love the word play with both the sun and the Son being wonderful gifts from God. Especially during the holiday season where we celebrate the birth of our Savior. I am especially grateful for this gift. 

Lord,

When my focus shifts to the clouds - help me refocus to your Son. The clouds will come and go - but your Son will not change. It reminds me of Your promise in James that every good and perfect gift is coming down from You and there is no change or variation in You. You promise that there will be clouds. But, you also promise that You are there. On the ground it may feel like the sun has disappeared on the cloudy days - but if we shift our focus above the clouds - we see that You are still there. Ever faithful. Ever constant. Never changing. Thank you for the gift of Your Son. 

Amen

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

‭‭James‬ ‭1:17‬ ‭ESV

Living Water

I look outside and see droopy flowers and brown crunchy leaves. Plants and trees in need of rain. As I was walking through the back yard and hearing my feet crunch the brittle leaves, I thought of one of my favorite passages...

“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭42:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

My dad just returned from a deer hunting trip. Not one deer was seen. Green fields were brown. Deer were in search of water. I have been through seasons when I felt far away from God and His plan. But, I am thankful for His ever present Spirit that tugs at my heart and mind. Drawing me to His word. Longing to fill my heart with the much needed bread of life. 

When I get too busy for my relationship and time with the Lord, my spirit begins to feel like those leaves. Brittle and broken. Once healthy, vibrant and a picture of God's glory - when I go "it" alone - I feel the world creep in. I begin to allow selfishness, pride, fear and anger to take over my once healthy "leaf". 

But, how thankful that unlike the leaves that have fallen from the drought - never to be green again- we have a beautiful option. Return to the living water. Just as the passage says the deer pants for the water - we can return. Whether it has been one day, one week, one year, our Lord can turn that brittleness into beauty. 

The One that formed you longs for you to seek Him.  I love how as I read His word my heart is restored. His promises bring me hope. His promises bring me life. I will soak up His word. I will draw out each bit of understanding. I will guard my heart against growing bitter and brittle. 

Lord,

 May we seek to transform our hearts  and to be that picture of love that You called us to be. Continue to give me a desire to seek Your word and Your to plan for my life. Soften brittle hearts. May the only danger of fire during the drought be a fire for You. May these words be seen by someone who can be drawn closer to You and allow You to restore any brittleness that this world has caused. 

Amen

Seek First

Leaving church this Sunday we ran into one of our pastors and his wife.  We had all attended a wedding the night before and couldn't help but talk about how special it was to observe the union of two humble Christians.  I had even asked the mothers of the bride and groom what recipe they followed to raise their children.

During the wedding they had a special prayer time.  I prayed with my hand on Mary-Peyton that she might have that kind of relationship and that the Lord is working in the heart of a young man that one day will fully submit to the Lord. I also prayed that her friendships would also bring glory to God.  That the Lord would stir hearts to bring glory to Him in all things.  While I know her daddy was praying a similar prayer, we joked that his prayer added....in a very long time (for her mate!) ha!

So, back to Sunday, our pastor asked her to commit all of her relationships to Matthew 6:33.

We got in the car and she pulled up the verse...
"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matt 6:33
As a mom, I have to add in the next verse...
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matt 6:34

Yes, we've had a rough year, but the Lord's plan is at work.  Our responsibility as Christians is to seek Him first.  So, we came up with these ways we can commit our day to Him.

Seek first....when you feel alone.
Seek first...when you make a decision.
Seek first...about your friendships.
Seek first....when you are hurt.
Seek first....when you receive a blessing.
Seek first...when you have let someone down.
Seek first...when you are afraid.
Seek first...when you are anxious.
In all things....Seek first!

By seeking Him first, we commit to Him our anxiety and our fears. Middle school can be tough - but the Lord is there and His plan is at work.

Lord,
May we seek You first in each situation.  Seeking to live for Youe en when we don't understand.  We lift up the families that are struggling and ask you to encourage them to not grow weary in the day to day.  May these two words transform our day to day motions into eternal growth.  Amen

A Broken Heart

We were eating dinner when she said it. At first I tried to ignore it. Surely I had misunderstood what she said. Surely my precious child did not feel this way. I looked at John - he had heard it too. We tried to move on....but, I kept hearing it over and over again in my head.  It wasn't until the next day that I had the courage to ask her if I had heard correctly.

Last night, did you say "Your heart was broken?" She replied, "Yes, I did." "Can you tell me what you meant?" She went on to explain ,"Mom, when you get left out and ignored so many times your heart stops feeling it." 

We were driving at the time - her in the back seat and John driving. I looked at him and noticed a tear running down his face.  My head dropped. Not wanting her to know how our hearts had just broken too we changed the subject. 

This year has been one of the most challenging years of being a parent. What I wouldn't give to go back to those sweet times when I was in control. But, she is growing up and heart ache is part of our fallen world. 

We've discussed many times what we can learn from these times and the biggest lesson so far is...this is temporary.  Whether it be temporary while you are in the 7th grade or temporary until you get to high school or maybe even temporary for much longer - this is still temporary. But, some times it feels eternal. How ironic - what we need to stay focused on is the eternal and we feel pressure to focus on this temporary time.

I don't want to minimize her pain - it does hurt to be left out. It hurts her and quite frankly as a mom it can challenge my faith. But, I do not want to display a sinful response to this pain. We will not repay mean spiritedness with our own mean spirit. We will look for opportunities to see who might be true and loyal. We will do our best to be a friend. 

We've had many precious conversations about why we think God has placed us in this spot. While we may not find the answer on earth - we will seek to bring Him glory thru this trial. We will stay focused on the eternal not the temporary. We will be mindful that each of us falls short of His glory and we are no better than those who ignore us.  We have fallen short many times as friends. If our purpose is to bring Him glory - then He has placed us in this spot to do just that.  It isn't the "spot" we had asked for. We had prayed for a circle of friends who would love and support each other. We had asked to be pointed to the right places - we know He heard our prayer. Then, with faith we believe that while this does not look like the answer - it actually is. We will bring You glory where we are - even when we don't understand. Your plan is bigger than our broken heart. Your plan is better than my broken heart. (And hers). Your plan is for my good (and hers). I will trust in You.

We will put on the armor of God and stay true to who we are even when His armor may be hiding a broken heart.  We will allow Him to mend this broken heart. We will continue to seek His guidance for a circle of friends.  We know that many are struggling with this very thing right now. 

Sometimes it is just a good reminder of “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11‬ ‭

Lord,

Parenting is the hardest job you have give me so far. Help me to have a Christian response when my child is hurt. Help me to know what to say to get her thru these years. Be preparing the hearts of other girls who are seeking true friends. Open their hearts and eyes to those around them. Forgive us when we fail as a friend. Help us to use that to learn and grow and to exalt You even in our friendships. Urge us to continue to lay our broken hearts at Your feet and allow You to mend them. 

Amen

Fitting In

I remember where I was - Orlando around 20 years ago. I hailed a taxi to get to the airport. As I hopped in, the cab driver welcomed me and a few minutes later said, "There's something different about you? What is it?" Hmmmmmm...my heart jumped alittle....I know what is....but, do I really go there? 

Heart racing - I decided to go for it. "In one word - Jesus. That joy you see isn't because my life is perfect - far from it - but I have a hope and peace from my Lord and Savior. Do you have Jesus?" He did not. He did not accept Jesus on this cab ride and I wonder often if he has opened his heart. 

As we are struggling with raising a young lady in today's culture. I keep being reminded of this day. The countless prayers I've said praying that she would fit in, that she would be surrounded by friends, that she would participate in the "right" activities. Only to be reminded that prayer is not only dangerous - but not the desire of my heart. 

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I don't want her to look like the world. I don't want her to make poor decisions to be a part of the "group".

I don't want her to be excluded or lonely - but if being excluded means she is standing up for her values - so be it. 

I want her to shine. I want her to be a walking billboard for the joy that comes from Christ. I want her to look different. I want people to see something unique in her. I want them to ask her why she smiles so much. 

I still want her to have friends and enjoy being young. But, I believe the Lord is preparing another girl's (or several girl's) heart to be that friend. Friends that can stand for Jesus. Now, more than ever, our next generation can not be sent off into this cruel world without looking different. Our world has no hope if they look just like everyone else. 

So, she may not be the most popular....she may not be the coolest...she may not be the most talkative. But, I will no longer pray that you "fit in". 

May you be loyal, may you be kind, may you listen more than you talk, may you be respectful, may you be modest, may you be generous, may you be giving, may you be joyful. And...above all...may you be a light for Jesus. May those around you know that your life is a reflection of your Lord and Savior. That it is difficult to not be a part of the crowd. It may even be lonely sometimes - but may the Lord comfort you in those times and be preparing the hearts of those around you to be bold in their faith. 

Lord,

I am burdened for what our children face today. The struggles they face are multiplied by technology and a desire to get as many "likes" as we can. Help me to be a good example for her. Help me to know when to step in and when to back off. Help us to be bold in our faith. Help us to be trustworthy, encouraging and faithful friends. Help us to know that not everyone has to be part of our inner circle - but we show love and kindness to all. Help our lives to look different than society. No matter your age that is not always easy. Thank you for the gift of being a mom. 

Amen

Girl Time

                                                         
John has been traveling for work a little recently. I hate for him to be traveling. I miss him and all the little things he does to take care of us.  I realize when he is gone how much he does that sometimes goes un noticed.

But,  I also get excited about spending some one on one time with MP.  I love being with her.  When it is the two of us, she tells me funny things that normally she wouldn't say.  We laugh, sometimes we cry, but we really get to know each other. We eat popcorn and play games and enjoy being together!

I tell her what I was like when I was her age.  (Like what a telephone looks like being plugged into the wall and what you did prior to social media!) She tells me what she is excited about. I love hearing her talk about her hopes and dreams. (How we will ride to work together one day!) We share the desires of our heart. I long to spend time with her and to get to know her even more.

Then I had that moment, as I long to spend more time with her so that I can know her better. Our Heavenly Father is longing to do the same with me.  While He knows the desires of my heart, He wants to hear from me. He wants to share. He wants me to dive deep into His word to learn lessons He has for me.  He wants every piece of me to love Him and to show it.

MP's memory verse for this week is perfect for what I want (and what God wants) for our relationship to be.

"Love The Lord your God with all of your heart and with all of your soul and with all of your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5

But even greater than that go to verse 7!

"Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 6:7

Oh, how beautiful it is to talk about how we can love The Lord in our daily life. What does it look like to Love The Lord at school? Even in middle school? You bet! You don't gossip, you look for opportunities to be a friend, you are loyal, you are encouraging, you are honest in your work.

I treasure my time with MP. I love getting to know her. I treasure my time with my Heavenly Father. I love getting to know His plan for my life. I love that He gave us these verses this week to remind us to talk about this every day when we wake up and when we lie down.

Lord,
May we continue to trace events and happenings back to Your plan for our life. Fill our child with the love and an unending desire to know Your word. Help our lives to be an example of Your love for us. Help us to see Your glory in the rain storms and in the rainbow that follows.  We want to love You with our mind and our would and our strength.
Amen

Recalculating

I had never been there before. So, as I usually do, I punched in the address for directions. I set out and with each turn felt more secure in my path. 

Then, I heard those words....recalculating...I had missed a turn.  But, now I had a new route. I thought about how comforting it is to have a pre- planned route. How good it feels to hear, "Your destination is ahead on the right."  

Sometimes I feel like I'm recalculating in my walk with Christ. Did I miss a turn? I often wish I understood the route.  We prayed this year for direction and thought we had our answer. But, it wasn't going as planned...recalculating...had we misunderstood the direction He had given us? I doubt it. I believe we misunderstood why He wanted us to be on this path. We had prayed for one reason, but I felt Him telling us - I answered your prayer, but not for the reason you prayed. There was another purpose in this path.  

Our Godly Prayer Strategy (GPS) was in full working order. We had laid out our request and placed the prayer for direction. We had waited patiently for the answer. But, still felt like we were recalculating. We expected joy - we anticipated fun - we received fear and disappointment. My first thought was to turn "this car" around! But, the more we prayed the more our minds opened and we started to be more aware of what other reasons might be for this new path.

Some journeys would be easier if I knew the outcome before we set out on the road.

It is hard when you realize the path that the GPS returns May have some bumps in the road.  

I am thankful that in most cases, I can look back on hard roads and see pieces of His glory in that path.  

We commit this journey to You. We wait anxiously for You to reveal Your plan. If You choose to open our eyes, we ask that you show us now or in future years how Your detour led to Your glory. For now, we will rejoice in our ever faithful GPS.

“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭16:11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

My Husband....Her Daddy...Two lucky girls

My husband....Her Daddy....

December 23, 1992 changed the direction of my life. I was wrapping gifts at Sam Frank and Moore when the door opened and a handsome young man walks in.  My mom asked me to wait on him. He wanted to buy his mom a gift for Christmas. We found the perfect things and my mom (little did I know what she was up to!), offered for us to wrap them and deliver them after work.  Giving me one more chance that day to see the handsome man.  

Our first date followed and the rest is history! A man who sought The Lord. A man who loved his family without question. A man who made me feel like I was a better person. A man who sacrificed to give me anything my heart desired. 

We've now been together for 24 years and married for 21 of those.  Little did I know that a month after we met he had bought a slide bracelet for me that would signify all of our major moments.  He gave it to me just 4 weeks after our first date and told me we would fill it up with slides to signify our journey.  (Hard to break up with him after that! Ha ha) The last slide on the bracelet was given the day Mary-Peyton was born.  A priceless gift holding precious memories.  Meant to be a daddy.

This man that I chose was meant to be a daddy. He would move heaven and earth for our child. He has played American Girl more hours than I can count. He knows the name of each one.  He cherishes bedtime stories and hearing about her day.  His heart breaks in unison with hers. Her joy is his joy. A tough man with a soft heart for this child of ours.  He is tough and I love to see how he struggles to hold her to a high standard. Yes, it would be easier to let it slide, but in the long run he was .....Meant to be a daddy.  

I love him more now than I did on that day 24 years ago and I thought that wasn't possible. But, seeing him be a daddy created a new level of love for him. He continues to sacrifice. He somehow manages the growing hormone swings at our house. He seeks to make our way easy. He is a great math helper (that may be my favorite part!) He is a horrible speller (sorry MP!). Even when he is tired he has time for her. What more could a girl ask for. Meant to be a daddy.

They laugh the same. They think the same jokes are funny.  They have identical smiles. They crack each other up and make each other crazy! He loves to "get her goat"! There is nothing he wouldn't do for this little girl.  They gang up on me and there is no hope. They laugh and love to play jokes on me.  Her first love. Meant to be a daddy.

John, words are difficult to express how lucky we are to have you as her daddy. One thing for sure...You were meant to be a daddy. 

Happy Daddy's Day 2016

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭22:6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

If The Armor Fits

Romans 8:26 says, "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning a too deep for words."

I am so shy! Some of you would never believe that I am so painfully shy! Looking back at old photos you need to just look down - that would be me hiding behind my mom's leg! Even as an adult, my happy place is in a small group of people that love me.

I don't like being shy. It makes me mad that I still have anxiety when I walk into a room by myself! I am seeking out a friendly face! Please! Someone ask me to sit with you! I am immediately taken back to my High School lunch room and the feeling of no one wanting me to sit with them. I hate it!

In college it came time to decide what I would "be" when I grew up.  Well, something I can do in a small group. Something where I don't have to talk much. I even went so far to take (and passed) the air traffic controller exam. A few people in a tower - sounded good to me. Thankfully His plan was different. I got my degree in Management Information Systems and Computer Science and envisioned life behind a computer screen. That wouldn't be His plan either!

He opened a door in Banking - a door where I would deal with hundreds of people every day. A wonderful career where I would have to make quick and costly decisions. I would have to be a leader. I would speak to hundreds of people on a normal basis. I would need to be confident. This didn't come naturally.

I remember talking to my mom in the early years of my career. I shared with her that I felt like I was putting on a mask each day to be someone I'm not. I felt like a phony.  What she said next changed my confidence level for each day.....She said, "You aren't putting on a mask to cover up who you are. You are putting on the Armor of God to become who He wants you to be."

All this time I felt like I was hiding my true self - when what was happening was allowing Him to transform me into the person He wants me to be. Instead of feeling weak - I can feel strong because He is guiding my growth. He has placed me in this position for His glory. Shy or not - I am growing in my armor.

He knew my shyness - yet opened the door for my career and community passions.

He knew my weakness - yet has been faithful to provide comfort and peace along the way.

He knew my fear - yet has and continues to open doors that I only need to walk thru and He provides the confidence.

His plan is better than my plan - even when it takes me out of my comfort zone. Because when I am out of my zone - I am covered in His armor.

Ephesians 6:10-11 "Finally, be strong in The Lord and the strength of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil."

Lord,
Thank you for Your armor. Thank you for knowing my doubts and fears and then taking me so far outside of my comfort zone that I can only give You the glory. You shine in these times because Your light is reflecting off the armor You have provided.  I am weak without it. May I trust that Your way is always better than my way. May it always bring You glory.
Amen

If I could graduate again...my Top 10 pieces of advice

What an exciting time! Your first piece of independence. No one there to tell you to go to sleep (or wake up!)! I was in your shoes not so very long ago. Looking back there were a few things I wish I had done differently....here are some little bits of advice from my journey.

10. Study abroad if you can. Go on a mission trip if you can.  Not everyone can do it - but I am amazed as I look at resumes today how many graduates of college have spent time in other counties. 90% of the resumes I see have some time abroad. If you get the chance - don't waste the opportunity to share the good news! It will also help you appreciate what you have and where you live.
"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost" Matthew 28:19

9. Find a way to make a difference. It doesn't matter what city you are in - there are needs.  My sweetest memories were spent in a 2nd grade class in Tuscaloosa with little kids who couldn't wait to see me each week! Finding your place to serve will help you in many ways - it is rewarding, it needs to be done, it relieves stress, it can help uncover your gifts and you have less free time. (Also a great item for any resume)!
"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for The Lord and not for man." Col 3:23

8.  Call home at least once a week.  Your parents have spent 18 years pouring every minute and dollar into you. Honor their gift and call them! Share what is happening - Share how they can pray for you. You need to be reminded of where you came from and they need to know they did a good job raising you! Call them!
"Honor your father and your mother." Eph 6:2

7.  Put your Bible by your bed.  You are much more likely to open it if you can see it. Don't put it on the bookshelf. Put it by your bed. It has served you well before you got to college and it will serve you well now. Keep it where you can see it. Then open it!
"Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Pam 119:105

6.  Join a team or a club.  This one goes without saying. You know it's true. Idle time is not good. Find a group that you share a passion and share an interest.  These people will help hold you accountable.  Dance team, a sport, math club - it gives you a place to fit it. It will help minimize your free time.
"The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied."  Prov 13:4

5.  Be a good friend. You will meet lots of new people. You will make lots of new friends (See #2).  Sometimes all you have is your reputation.  Have people be able to count on you.  Be trustworthy. Trust is very difficult to regain once it has been lost.  Be kind. Some of my biggest regrets come from short sided decisions and being a poor friend.  Be kind.
"A friend loves at all times." Prov 17:17

4.  Don't drink and drive and don't ride with anyone who does.  I couldn't do a list without this.  Value your life and that of other people.  You will feel invincible- just this one time- it isn't that far....it only takes one time.  Do not put so little value on your life to end it over alcohol.  One more thing - you can never get addicted to something you never try.  You may see things you've never even drempt of - just leave it alone.
"Be not wise in your own eyes, fear The Lord and turn from evil." Prov 3:7

3.  Choose your friends wisely.  You are from a small town.  Your parents know their parents. Now, you will encounter people who you have no idea what the back story might be.  Be cautious as you build new friendships and relationships.  A good place to start is with #1!
"I thank my God every time I remember you." Phil 1:3

2.  Your decisions while you are in college DO matter.  Some of them will shift the direction of your life forever.  Make sure you are not making short sided decisions that will alter your life in a negative way.  Have fun! Enjoy your independence. But, realize your decisions will follow you.  So think wisely! A quick decision can have lasting implications.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts." Psalm 139:23

1. And finally....the mistake I regret most from my first week of college. Get Up and Go to Church! Do it that first Sunday! I was sitting in a dorm where I could walk to church and could see the church steeple from my dorm - but I slept in. I missed a great opportunity to see who might have been some of my best friends. (Because they were bold enough to get up and go to church without anyone telling them to do it!) You've likely gone to church the better part of your life - don't stop. Keep the habit! You will need The Lord now more than ever! You will face new challenges, new friends, new stress. Can't think of a better place to start!
"Commit your way to The Lord, trust in Him and He will act." Psalm 37:5

Lord,
I lift up this year's graduates. Cover them with a hedge of protection. Open their hearts and urge them to seek You on their own.  Surround them with friends that will point them to You.  May their light shine so that others may be brought closer to You.  Give them the words to say when they are confronted with new challenges.  Give them strength when the devil seeks to tempt them.  Comfort their parents as they miss their children.  For those of us who still have time - point us to those instructions to fill their heart and mind so that they might glorify You.
Amen

Being A Duck

If you have been on a team or in the professional world, chances are you have done a personality test at some point.  I've done dozens over my career. While the "character" might change slightly - one thing has remained the same....I am a Duck.

Consider what that means to be a duck....to our eyes they glide across the pond. It looks effortless and beautiful.  What our eyes miss is happening below the surface. Their feet paddling urgently to make that journey.  They are working so hard - but it looks easy on the surface.

I can only assume I was born a duck, since I have an identical duck sister :) It became very obvious early in my career when I would come to work at 8:30 and be ready to leave at 5:00 and not miss a deadline. Those who know me we'll also know I can count on one hand the lunches I've missed over those 21 years.  One manager asked, "How do you do it? You work so efficiently and make it look easy!" I hated to confess that I was a duck. That's what ducks do!

Being a Christian "duck" can also come with challenges. When outsiders see your life they may only see the surface.  Being a transparent Christian I seek to show who it is that is making that glide look easy. If I did not have Christ giving me the strength to make that journey I would have no hope.  "Ducks" May also be tempted not to ask for help because that shows weakness.  That temptation to "handle it" can happen with humans and with Christ.

I have realized even recently how unproductive it is for any personality type to keep those struggles from The Lord.  Do I truly think I can handle something that He can't? I imagine He is quite amused when I pretend I've "got this".

I have never slept.  J always chalked it up to part of being a duck. I convinced my husband that women are just wired differently. One night I got up, so that I wouldn't wake him, and went downstairs. I started reading old prayer journals as I was sitting there so frustrated about not sleeping. Guess what - not one single prayer for help with my sleep. I knelt down beside the sofa and cried out to Him. Ashamed that I was trying to handle this without even asking for help.  You can guess what came next - the best nights sleep I have had in years.

Lord, thank you for making me aware of my trait to make this life look easy.  Thank you for revealing the areas in my life that I have kept to myself. Thank you for urging me to be transparent enough to show my faults and struggles. My faults and struggles allow You to be the one and only one helping me glide. Amen

Psalms 57:2 "I cry out to God Most High. To God who fulfills His purpose for me."

Open The Eyes of My Heart

“Having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1:18-19‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Our world seems to be moving at such a fast pace. As a Christian, some times I have to remind myself that The Lord is present.  I hate to admit, that sometimes I can do my Bible Study, pray, go to church and still feel like I'm on my own.  A recent Bible study has stuck with me and offered me some much needed clarity and humbleness about times when I feel this way.

In 1 Kings 8, just before Solomon's great prayer of blessing over the new temple, The Lord reveals himself in a cloud of smoke. The cloud filled the temple and even stopped activities until the smoke cleared.

“And when the priests came out of the Holy Place, a cloud filled the house of the Lord, so that the priests could not stand to minister because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled the house of the Lord.”
‭‭1 Kings‬ ‭8:10-11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I couldn't get this out of my head! I need a cloud of smoke to show me His presence! Wouldn't it bring you comfort when something good or bad happened if you could see that visual puff of smoke to know He is here?  On that day, when we found out my mom had cancer, what if as we were leaving the Doctor's office a could of smoke appeared? A visual reminder that The Lord is in control even when we feel alone.  I know I would love it!

I've had times in my Christian walk when I've struggled to feel Him.  I am so thankful that He has urged me to continue to seek Him - even when I couldn't see or feel Him.  I haven't talked to anyone other than my husband about this - maybe that is normal? I only know how it is for me.

I'm not very good at being quiet. I'm not very good at being still.  Maybe that is why only three times in my life I have heard the words or The Lord.  I couldn't tell you how that compares to others - but for me each time has been special and unique. The most recent happened only three weeks ago.  I was so burdened and concerned that I spent my lunch time praying. No one else around. Just me praising Him for my blessings and laying my concern before His feet.  I finished my prayer, said Amen and seconds later an audible voice said, "I've got this." It shook me because I thought I was alone.  I looked around and I was very much still alone.  I was shaken up! I called my husband first, "The Lord told me He has this!" I called my sister, " The Lord says He had this!" For days it was all I could think about or talk about!

Then, right on cue, I read 1 Kings and the story of the cloud of smoke and the visual sign of God's glory.  I was humbled that I longed so much for a cloud to show me He is here. I know He is here - even when I can't see Him.

Lord,
Forgive me on those days when I doubt Your presence. I praise You for speaking to me that day to give my spirit a jolt. I do not want to be the kind of Christian that doubts Your presence.  I thank You for opening my eyes to Your glory.  I trust in Your Word and Your Word offers assurance over and over of your presence in my life.  Your voice to me that day was beautiful and I praise You for weaving together that prayer and my Bible study. Continue to encourage me to seek You - even when there is no cloud of smoke.
Amen

To my out of style daughter

Today's style is focused on stick thin bodies and outfits that are becoming more revealing. May you always be out of style. When parents of future boyfriends see you - I hope they say how out of style you are. I hope they notice that they have never seen certain parts of you.  I hope the world will always wonder what your teenage self would look like in some of today's styles. I hope they ask you why your bathing suit covers your body. Use this chance to tell them your fashion designer's name.

While I won't be silly enough to think this will protect you. I will be bold enough to help you ward off eyes to your body. You only get one chance to be a young lady. You will spend 80% or so of your life being an adult. Enjoy the 20% time to guard your heart and your body so that 100% can bring the utmost glory to Your Designer.

When you are in my home, I will help you be your most beautiful self. When you see me flinch my nose at a choice - make a note - you will do the same one day to a little girl that you would do anything to protect. Your body is a living testimony. Everything from your head to your toes signals to the outside world who you live for. You do not live to be on the best dressed list. You do not live for a trend that will pass quickly. You live to bring others to a closer relationship with the One and Only Jesus. Your unstylish choices now will make a difference later.

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:25‬ ‭ESV

My prayer for you is that your 20% time is a time of preparation and modesty. Trends change - trust me - trust the photos of me and my jelly shoes in sixth grade, or acid wash jeans in high school. Trust me and my big hair senior portraits - oh wait - I do still love my big hair! Your generation faces trends that will defy anything I had to face. May you be able to match your outfit to your testimony. I've spent thousands and thousands of dollars on outfits and can assure you that none of them are worth more than the armor of God. Your outfit will be all that some people will ever know about you. Is it the message you would want them to know? I miss the days of giant hair bows, smocked dresses, and Mary Jane shoes. But, I am okay with going toe to toe with you now that you are old enough to make your own decisions. So, beware and pray that the trends of the next few years will match up to your testimony.....OR, I hope you are out of style. Because I love you.

Lord, I pray that you are interceding with fashion designers and urging their hearts to develop clothes that speak modesty. I pray that you are working in my heart and those of other parents to demand a different style for young girls. I pray that you are preparing young men to seek modestly dressed girls and to hold them in a place of high honor. May our fashion choices honor You. Lord , I have never been tempted by reveling clothes - but, I have placed far too much importance on a label to cover up my insecurity. Work in my heart that I might be able to overcome that need. May our hearts and choices honor You. Guard our daughters choices that they may present themselves in an honorable way. You have entrusted us with a precious gift. More precious than silver or gold. Help me to fight the fight when necessary to uphold her testimony. Show me the battles that should be fought and the ones that can be avoided. Give her strength when she feels too weak to fight for her faith. Give me strength when someone says she isn't cool or doesn't have the right outfit. Make my choices a road map for her to follow and help her see through me to You. Amen

Waiting

While I'm Waiting

“We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭33:20-22‬ ‭NIV‬‬

As I finally have a diagnosis for my year of pain and trouble, my family and I have sat and talked about how we have seen the Lord use this trial for good. We believe Romans 8:28 and we believe that the Lord is using this difficult time to glorify His name. Our earthly minds and limited view cannot begin to comprehend what His plan is - but even with our limited view we have seen beautiful things come out of these months of tests. Some days our fear taking over and John holding me as we couldn't sleep. I wanted to share because either you or someone close to you will go through a similar trial and maybe this will be of some comfort to pay attention so you don't miss the good that can come from it.

1. I believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God sent to be our handbook, our inspiration, our instruction for our life. I was beyond blessed to watch my mother suffer beyond what I would wish on anyone and every single day she just wanted us to read God's promises over and over to her. We tried to show our daughter that same example and when we are afraid - you seek God's word. When you worry you turn to Matthew 6 and you read of God's love for you and His instruction not to worry. His word never failed us. My heartbeat would slow - my fears lifted - my focus regained. She will need that lesson and I pray we showed her a Biblical response to trials.

2. We are loved. Life gets so busy. Texting has become the #1 way to communicate. We were humbled by people who called, texted, held our hand, cried with us, fed us, encouraged us to laugh, and the hundreds of hugs we've experienced since January. It was a reminder of the times I have missed the opportunity to show someone how much they matter - and also a reminder not to wait for a rough time to show them. Those who called and said '"I will not take no for an answer, we are feeding your family this week." For someone who struggles with asking for help - you loved our family in such a special way. 

3. When you are faced with not knowing how much longer you will walk on the earth - my desire was to focus on what legacy I would leave. Our family prayed and prayed for an opportunity to expand His name. What an honor it is to know we chose to remember this trial with a gift to bring the word of God to people who have never had it. I am not sure we would have been humbled enough to make the sacrifice if we had been humming along with everything good. The Lord had prepared our hearts to leave something greater behind. 

4. Others will help carry your load. I have a tendency towards over commitment. I am a certified people pleaser who gets much satisfaction from making things pretty, organizing and implementing events. The day we were rocked with news that the test didn't look good - after the tears I started to go through my commitments for the next sixty days. How can I do this? How can I work, how can I run the mile run and 5k, how can I do the church commitments. I felt like I was drowning. Then, the calls started coming in - my precious sister said, "I'm doing the race for you - just give me the book." Followed by friends near and far saying, "I want to take this or that from you. You do not need the stress - let me lighten your load." Co-workers who said, "We will take this - you get better. We will keep things going." Friends - I can not express what that meant. You sacrificed your time to lighten our load. There are not enough thank yous to explain how much that helped. 

5. God is good and all the time God is good. We are now on the other side of a diagnosis with sweet hopes of me being "myself" by summer. We praise Him for our results. But, we are also reminded that others have had the fear only to get unwanted results. We hope that we have learned through this how to help someone through crisis. 

Lord, we won't comprehend this side of Heaven why you led our family through this for the past few months. But, we praise You for the small things that have made themselves known. Your word has been a lamp unto our feet. Your word has been our comfort. Your word has been our lifeline. Your word has been our hope. May Your name be glorified forever. Amen

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭27:13-14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Trust

Trust

It has always been okay. Mammograms - okay. Female tests - okay. For thirty years I've always gotten the phone message - everything looks good. Until......I got a different call. Countless prayer warriors praying over me. But, the last 5 days have been the scariest of my life. Weeks ago, I asked someone to pray with me that whatever I faced I would have the strength and faith to believe that the Lord will be glorified through whatever the test results show. That is much easier when the news is good. Trust

“What time I am afraid, I will put my trust in thee.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭56:3‬ ‭ASV‬‬

I've spent three days reeling my mind back in. Don't let your imagination take over. Focus on how you feel today. The Lord is in control. Watching my sweet husband sit and a random tear fall.  Wishing he would stop googling all of my crazy symptoms.  Wearing a somewhat false smile when talking. Maybe they won't sense the enormous weight I'm feeling.  Act normal. Don't fall apart in front of MP. I don't want to distract her from her school work. There are too many unknowns right now. Trust

“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.””
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I always considered myself to be healthy. I run or play tennis every day! My treadmill or bike are not just used as extra clothes hangers.  I'm 44! I just had a birthday! I have a wonderful job, a precious family, a precious school, sweet friends, a glorious church, ......I've lost my mom, my in-laws, our second child. Trust

“In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭25:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

 While we are waiting for more tests we trust in His plan for my life. We thank also the many people praying as we await a diagnosis. The prayers have given us comfort and encouragement! Our faith rests in knowing that God is on His throne. May He be glorified through this and all aspects of our life.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Matt 6:25-27

A Prayer that Makes Him Smile

I've never craved a study in 1 Kings. It just has never been on my list of one of those books you go to for inspiration, encouragement or guidance! But, The Lord works in mysterious ways and used this book in my life this week.  I am thankful that He knew I needed to be in 1 Kings even when I didn't!

Let me back up...so, our class just began an in depth study in 1 Kings.  We are very early in the book. So, as we were going to be in the car for awhile yesterday I brought along my book and Bible and John and I were going to discuss our chapter that we read for homework.  Let me just tell you, Chapter 1 and 2 don't leave you with a warm and fuzzy feeling.  It starts with an old and cold King (literally! Ha!) and by the end of Chapter 2 we have a new king and a series of folks dead. King Solomon has gone on a tear clearing the kingdom of anyone who might cause a threat.  (Bible scholars everywhere are rolling over in their graves at my two sentence synopsis!)

It, in fact, left me with a not so encouraged feeling! What can I learn from this! I kept reading into Chapter 3 in hopes of a glimpse of encouragement. I, like others, struggle from time to time with prayer. Not saying them, but saying them without selfishness or ambition.  Sometimes, my prayer might sound like this...

      Lord, shower my family with blessings. Keep them all healthy and free from hard. Don't let anything bad happen to them. Amen

No doubt something like that prayer has been prayer over and over again. Now, of course, I added "If it be your will!" That makes it unselfish doesn't it!

1 Kings 3 gives us a model for a prayer request that made God smile. That gives me chill bumps! A prayer that makes God smile!

"The Lord was pleased that Solomon made this request." 1 Kings 3:10

It caused me to pause and reflect on recent prayer requests - as I mutter them - have they caused God to smile?  Sometimes -yes, sometimes - no!
Solomon's request for wisdom came from an unselfish place. A place that could be used to expand the  kingdom (not Solomon's kingdom, but the Heavenly Kingdom!) The Lord was pleased and gave that plus much more.  The story goes on to show Solomon demonstrating his God given wisdom and what an impact it had on his kingdom. They knew this was from Heaven.

About four hours after we returned home, I received an urgent text from a friend. She needed guidance on an issue that she is facing. A scary position and one that I surely don't have the answer. But, I was able to point her to that passage. Pray not for our will, not for what we want, but that we would make Him smile with our request for guidance.

Lord,
I thank you for prompting me to continue reading. I thank you for showing a prayer that made You smile. I thank you for the reminder of the impact we can have on a watching world when we seek Your guidance and live in faith.  I am humbled by the many prayers that I have said from a selfish place. Thank you for Your continued love and recognition that I am a work in progress. Amen

The Master Gardener

A beautiful town in Austria

The past few weeks have been rough! My heart has been troubled, health issues, stress from all directions adding up to a overwhelming feeling of helplessness.  If I went into great detail I think most would agree - it is one of those seasons that we have faced and will likely face again.  Our life goes through changes and stress regardless of age, wealth or commitment to Christ. 

I find myself almost sensing the Lord pruning my life.  Refinement is not fun.  Refinement takes me out of my comfort zone. Refinement requires me to open my heart - to make an honest assessment of where my values are placed.  It hurts!

I had things like I liked them (notice the I)! I like order! I like neat! I've made a list! I have a plan! (could I say I anymore?!) All the while, the Lord showing me..."You haven't given me This Part, You haven't given me That part...Your list is nice - but my plan is better." These refinements are not part of my plan!

When I am overwhelmed my comfort comes in repeating some of my favorite verses that provide comfort and reminders of His promises to me.  To remind me that He is in control even when my list is nothing more than scratch paper. 

I curled up on the sofa with MP and said, "I am the vine. You are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you; You will bear much fruit, apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

This verse has a special meaning for our family. As we prayed for the Lord to send us on a mission trip, He made a way for us to visit Austria.  A beautiful country surrounded by beautiful vineyards - but many lacking a knowledge of the One True Gardner.  They were so gorgeous - beautifully manicured rows of grapes.  Such care taken to protect their fruit. The gardener taking precious time to ensure the plant had the best chance to bear fruit.

Seeing this in person left a beautiful impression of how the Lord works so carefully to prune our lives.  How He works to give us the best chance to bear fruit, IF, we remain in Him.  My life is a work in progress. My job is to remain in Him and to allow the pieces that will not yield fruit to be cut away.

Lord, there is no one who knows my life better than you.  There is also no gardener capable of helping my life to bear the best fruit.  Help me to surrender my list to you. Help me to seek you for the plan.  Help me to remain in You.