Romans 8:26 says, "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning a too deep for words."
I am so shy! Some of you would never believe that I am so painfully shy! Looking back at old photos you need to just look down - that would be me hiding behind my mom's leg! Even as an adult, my happy place is in a small group of people that love me.
I don't like being shy. It makes me mad that I still have anxiety when I walk into a room by myself! I am seeking out a friendly face! Please! Someone ask me to sit with you! I am immediately taken back to my High School lunch room and the feeling of no one wanting me to sit with them. I hate it!
In college it came time to decide what I would "be" when I grew up. Well, something I can do in a small group. Something where I don't have to talk much. I even went so far to take (and passed) the air traffic controller exam. A few people in a tower - sounded good to me. Thankfully His plan was different. I got my degree in Management Information Systems and Computer Science and envisioned life behind a computer screen. That wouldn't be His plan either!
He opened a door in Banking - a door where I would deal with hundreds of people every day. A wonderful career where I would have to make quick and costly decisions. I would have to be a leader. I would speak to hundreds of people on a normal basis. I would need to be confident. This didn't come naturally.
I remember talking to my mom in the early years of my career. I shared with her that I felt like I was putting on a mask each day to be someone I'm not. I felt like a phony. What she said next changed my confidence level for each day.....She said, "You aren't putting on a mask to cover up who you are. You are putting on the Armor of God to become who He wants you to be."
All this time I felt like I was hiding my true self - when what was happening was allowing Him to transform me into the person He wants me to be. Instead of feeling weak - I can feel strong because He is guiding my growth. He has placed me in this position for His glory. Shy or not - I am growing in my armor.
He knew my shyness - yet opened the door for my career and community passions.
He knew my weakness - yet has been faithful to provide comfort and peace along the way.
He knew my fear - yet has and continues to open doors that I only need to walk thru and He provides the confidence.
His plan is better than my plan - even when it takes me out of my comfort zone. Because when I am out of my zone - I am covered in His armor.
Ephesians 6:10-11 "Finally, be strong in The Lord and the strength of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil."
Lord,
Thank you for Your armor. Thank you for knowing my doubts and fears and then taking me so far outside of my comfort zone that I can only give You the glory. You shine in these times because Your light is reflecting off the armor You have provided. I am weak without it. May I trust that Your way is always better than my way. May it always bring You glory.
Amen
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