My Husband....Her Daddy...Two lucky girls

My husband....Her Daddy....

December 23, 1992 changed the direction of my life. I was wrapping gifts at Sam Frank and Moore when the door opened and a handsome young man walks in.  My mom asked me to wait on him. He wanted to buy his mom a gift for Christmas. We found the perfect things and my mom (little did I know what she was up to!), offered for us to wrap them and deliver them after work.  Giving me one more chance that day to see the handsome man.  

Our first date followed and the rest is history! A man who sought The Lord. A man who loved his family without question. A man who made me feel like I was a better person. A man who sacrificed to give me anything my heart desired. 

We've now been together for 24 years and married for 21 of those.  Little did I know that a month after we met he had bought a slide bracelet for me that would signify all of our major moments.  He gave it to me just 4 weeks after our first date and told me we would fill it up with slides to signify our journey.  (Hard to break up with him after that! Ha ha) The last slide on the bracelet was given the day Mary-Peyton was born.  A priceless gift holding precious memories.  Meant to be a daddy.

This man that I chose was meant to be a daddy. He would move heaven and earth for our child. He has played American Girl more hours than I can count. He knows the name of each one.  He cherishes bedtime stories and hearing about her day.  His heart breaks in unison with hers. Her joy is his joy. A tough man with a soft heart for this child of ours.  He is tough and I love to see how he struggles to hold her to a high standard. Yes, it would be easier to let it slide, but in the long run he was .....Meant to be a daddy.  

I love him more now than I did on that day 24 years ago and I thought that wasn't possible. But, seeing him be a daddy created a new level of love for him. He continues to sacrifice. He somehow manages the growing hormone swings at our house. He seeks to make our way easy. He is a great math helper (that may be my favorite part!) He is a horrible speller (sorry MP!). Even when he is tired he has time for her. What more could a girl ask for. Meant to be a daddy.

They laugh the same. They think the same jokes are funny.  They have identical smiles. They crack each other up and make each other crazy! He loves to "get her goat"! There is nothing he wouldn't do for this little girl.  They gang up on me and there is no hope. They laugh and love to play jokes on me.  Her first love. Meant to be a daddy.

John, words are difficult to express how lucky we are to have you as her daddy. One thing for sure...You were meant to be a daddy. 

Happy Daddy's Day 2016

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭22:6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

If The Armor Fits

Romans 8:26 says, "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning a too deep for words."

I am so shy! Some of you would never believe that I am so painfully shy! Looking back at old photos you need to just look down - that would be me hiding behind my mom's leg! Even as an adult, my happy place is in a small group of people that love me.

I don't like being shy. It makes me mad that I still have anxiety when I walk into a room by myself! I am seeking out a friendly face! Please! Someone ask me to sit with you! I am immediately taken back to my High School lunch room and the feeling of no one wanting me to sit with them. I hate it!

In college it came time to decide what I would "be" when I grew up.  Well, something I can do in a small group. Something where I don't have to talk much. I even went so far to take (and passed) the air traffic controller exam. A few people in a tower - sounded good to me. Thankfully His plan was different. I got my degree in Management Information Systems and Computer Science and envisioned life behind a computer screen. That wouldn't be His plan either!

He opened a door in Banking - a door where I would deal with hundreds of people every day. A wonderful career where I would have to make quick and costly decisions. I would have to be a leader. I would speak to hundreds of people on a normal basis. I would need to be confident. This didn't come naturally.

I remember talking to my mom in the early years of my career. I shared with her that I felt like I was putting on a mask each day to be someone I'm not. I felt like a phony.  What she said next changed my confidence level for each day.....She said, "You aren't putting on a mask to cover up who you are. You are putting on the Armor of God to become who He wants you to be."

All this time I felt like I was hiding my true self - when what was happening was allowing Him to transform me into the person He wants me to be. Instead of feeling weak - I can feel strong because He is guiding my growth. He has placed me in this position for His glory. Shy or not - I am growing in my armor.

He knew my shyness - yet opened the door for my career and community passions.

He knew my weakness - yet has been faithful to provide comfort and peace along the way.

He knew my fear - yet has and continues to open doors that I only need to walk thru and He provides the confidence.

His plan is better than my plan - even when it takes me out of my comfort zone. Because when I am out of my zone - I am covered in His armor.

Ephesians 6:10-11 "Finally, be strong in The Lord and the strength of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil."

Lord,
Thank you for Your armor. Thank you for knowing my doubts and fears and then taking me so far outside of my comfort zone that I can only give You the glory. You shine in these times because Your light is reflecting off the armor You have provided.  I am weak without it. May I trust that Your way is always better than my way. May it always bring You glory.
Amen

If I could graduate again...my Top 10 pieces of advice

What an exciting time! Your first piece of independence. No one there to tell you to go to sleep (or wake up!)! I was in your shoes not so very long ago. Looking back there were a few things I wish I had done differently....here are some little bits of advice from my journey.

10. Study abroad if you can. Go on a mission trip if you can.  Not everyone can do it - but I am amazed as I look at resumes today how many graduates of college have spent time in other counties. 90% of the resumes I see have some time abroad. If you get the chance - don't waste the opportunity to share the good news! It will also help you appreciate what you have and where you live.
"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost" Matthew 28:19

9. Find a way to make a difference. It doesn't matter what city you are in - there are needs.  My sweetest memories were spent in a 2nd grade class in Tuscaloosa with little kids who couldn't wait to see me each week! Finding your place to serve will help you in many ways - it is rewarding, it needs to be done, it relieves stress, it can help uncover your gifts and you have less free time. (Also a great item for any resume)!
"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for The Lord and not for man." Col 3:23

8.  Call home at least once a week.  Your parents have spent 18 years pouring every minute and dollar into you. Honor their gift and call them! Share what is happening - Share how they can pray for you. You need to be reminded of where you came from and they need to know they did a good job raising you! Call them!
"Honor your father and your mother." Eph 6:2

7.  Put your Bible by your bed.  You are much more likely to open it if you can see it. Don't put it on the bookshelf. Put it by your bed. It has served you well before you got to college and it will serve you well now. Keep it where you can see it. Then open it!
"Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Pam 119:105

6.  Join a team or a club.  This one goes without saying. You know it's true. Idle time is not good. Find a group that you share a passion and share an interest.  These people will help hold you accountable.  Dance team, a sport, math club - it gives you a place to fit it. It will help minimize your free time.
"The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied."  Prov 13:4

5.  Be a good friend. You will meet lots of new people. You will make lots of new friends (See #2).  Sometimes all you have is your reputation.  Have people be able to count on you.  Be trustworthy. Trust is very difficult to regain once it has been lost.  Be kind. Some of my biggest regrets come from short sided decisions and being a poor friend.  Be kind.
"A friend loves at all times." Prov 17:17

4.  Don't drink and drive and don't ride with anyone who does.  I couldn't do a list without this.  Value your life and that of other people.  You will feel invincible- just this one time- it isn't that far....it only takes one time.  Do not put so little value on your life to end it over alcohol.  One more thing - you can never get addicted to something you never try.  You may see things you've never even drempt of - just leave it alone.
"Be not wise in your own eyes, fear The Lord and turn from evil." Prov 3:7

3.  Choose your friends wisely.  You are from a small town.  Your parents know their parents. Now, you will encounter people who you have no idea what the back story might be.  Be cautious as you build new friendships and relationships.  A good place to start is with #1!
"I thank my God every time I remember you." Phil 1:3

2.  Your decisions while you are in college DO matter.  Some of them will shift the direction of your life forever.  Make sure you are not making short sided decisions that will alter your life in a negative way.  Have fun! Enjoy your independence. But, realize your decisions will follow you.  So think wisely! A quick decision can have lasting implications.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts." Psalm 139:23

1. And finally....the mistake I regret most from my first week of college. Get Up and Go to Church! Do it that first Sunday! I was sitting in a dorm where I could walk to church and could see the church steeple from my dorm - but I slept in. I missed a great opportunity to see who might have been some of my best friends. (Because they were bold enough to get up and go to church without anyone telling them to do it!) You've likely gone to church the better part of your life - don't stop. Keep the habit! You will need The Lord now more than ever! You will face new challenges, new friends, new stress. Can't think of a better place to start!
"Commit your way to The Lord, trust in Him and He will act." Psalm 37:5

Lord,
I lift up this year's graduates. Cover them with a hedge of protection. Open their hearts and urge them to seek You on their own.  Surround them with friends that will point them to You.  May their light shine so that others may be brought closer to You.  Give them the words to say when they are confronted with new challenges.  Give them strength when the devil seeks to tempt them.  Comfort their parents as they miss their children.  For those of us who still have time - point us to those instructions to fill their heart and mind so that they might glorify You.
Amen

Being A Duck

If you have been on a team or in the professional world, chances are you have done a personality test at some point.  I've done dozens over my career. While the "character" might change slightly - one thing has remained the same....I am a Duck.

Consider what that means to be a duck....to our eyes they glide across the pond. It looks effortless and beautiful.  What our eyes miss is happening below the surface. Their feet paddling urgently to make that journey.  They are working so hard - but it looks easy on the surface.

I can only assume I was born a duck, since I have an identical duck sister :) It became very obvious early in my career when I would come to work at 8:30 and be ready to leave at 5:00 and not miss a deadline. Those who know me we'll also know I can count on one hand the lunches I've missed over those 21 years.  One manager asked, "How do you do it? You work so efficiently and make it look easy!" I hated to confess that I was a duck. That's what ducks do!

Being a Christian "duck" can also come with challenges. When outsiders see your life they may only see the surface.  Being a transparent Christian I seek to show who it is that is making that glide look easy. If I did not have Christ giving me the strength to make that journey I would have no hope.  "Ducks" May also be tempted not to ask for help because that shows weakness.  That temptation to "handle it" can happen with humans and with Christ.

I have realized even recently how unproductive it is for any personality type to keep those struggles from The Lord.  Do I truly think I can handle something that He can't? I imagine He is quite amused when I pretend I've "got this".

I have never slept.  J always chalked it up to part of being a duck. I convinced my husband that women are just wired differently. One night I got up, so that I wouldn't wake him, and went downstairs. I started reading old prayer journals as I was sitting there so frustrated about not sleeping. Guess what - not one single prayer for help with my sleep. I knelt down beside the sofa and cried out to Him. Ashamed that I was trying to handle this without even asking for help.  You can guess what came next - the best nights sleep I have had in years.

Lord, thank you for making me aware of my trait to make this life look easy.  Thank you for revealing the areas in my life that I have kept to myself. Thank you for urging me to be transparent enough to show my faults and struggles. My faults and struggles allow You to be the one and only one helping me glide. Amen

Psalms 57:2 "I cry out to God Most High. To God who fulfills His purpose for me."

Open The Eyes of My Heart

“Having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1:18-19‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Our world seems to be moving at such a fast pace. As a Christian, some times I have to remind myself that The Lord is present.  I hate to admit, that sometimes I can do my Bible Study, pray, go to church and still feel like I'm on my own.  A recent Bible study has stuck with me and offered me some much needed clarity and humbleness about times when I feel this way.

In 1 Kings 8, just before Solomon's great prayer of blessing over the new temple, The Lord reveals himself in a cloud of smoke. The cloud filled the temple and even stopped activities until the smoke cleared.

“And when the priests came out of the Holy Place, a cloud filled the house of the Lord, so that the priests could not stand to minister because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled the house of the Lord.”
‭‭1 Kings‬ ‭8:10-11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I couldn't get this out of my head! I need a cloud of smoke to show me His presence! Wouldn't it bring you comfort when something good or bad happened if you could see that visual puff of smoke to know He is here?  On that day, when we found out my mom had cancer, what if as we were leaving the Doctor's office a could of smoke appeared? A visual reminder that The Lord is in control even when we feel alone.  I know I would love it!

I've had times in my Christian walk when I've struggled to feel Him.  I am so thankful that He has urged me to continue to seek Him - even when I couldn't see or feel Him.  I haven't talked to anyone other than my husband about this - maybe that is normal? I only know how it is for me.

I'm not very good at being quiet. I'm not very good at being still.  Maybe that is why only three times in my life I have heard the words or The Lord.  I couldn't tell you how that compares to others - but for me each time has been special and unique. The most recent happened only three weeks ago.  I was so burdened and concerned that I spent my lunch time praying. No one else around. Just me praising Him for my blessings and laying my concern before His feet.  I finished my prayer, said Amen and seconds later an audible voice said, "I've got this." It shook me because I thought I was alone.  I looked around and I was very much still alone.  I was shaken up! I called my husband first, "The Lord told me He has this!" I called my sister, " The Lord says He had this!" For days it was all I could think about or talk about!

Then, right on cue, I read 1 Kings and the story of the cloud of smoke and the visual sign of God's glory.  I was humbled that I longed so much for a cloud to show me He is here. I know He is here - even when I can't see Him.

Lord,
Forgive me on those days when I doubt Your presence. I praise You for speaking to me that day to give my spirit a jolt. I do not want to be the kind of Christian that doubts Your presence.  I thank You for opening my eyes to Your glory.  I trust in Your Word and Your Word offers assurance over and over of your presence in my life.  Your voice to me that day was beautiful and I praise You for weaving together that prayer and my Bible study. Continue to encourage me to seek You - even when there is no cloud of smoke.
Amen

To my out of style daughter

Today's style is focused on stick thin bodies and outfits that are becoming more revealing. May you always be out of style. When parents of future boyfriends see you - I hope they say how out of style you are. I hope they notice that they have never seen certain parts of you.  I hope the world will always wonder what your teenage self would look like in some of today's styles. I hope they ask you why your bathing suit covers your body. Use this chance to tell them your fashion designer's name.

While I won't be silly enough to think this will protect you. I will be bold enough to help you ward off eyes to your body. You only get one chance to be a young lady. You will spend 80% or so of your life being an adult. Enjoy the 20% time to guard your heart and your body so that 100% can bring the utmost glory to Your Designer.

When you are in my home, I will help you be your most beautiful self. When you see me flinch my nose at a choice - make a note - you will do the same one day to a little girl that you would do anything to protect. Your body is a living testimony. Everything from your head to your toes signals to the outside world who you live for. You do not live to be on the best dressed list. You do not live for a trend that will pass quickly. You live to bring others to a closer relationship with the One and Only Jesus. Your unstylish choices now will make a difference later.

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:25‬ ‭ESV

My prayer for you is that your 20% time is a time of preparation and modesty. Trends change - trust me - trust the photos of me and my jelly shoes in sixth grade, or acid wash jeans in high school. Trust me and my big hair senior portraits - oh wait - I do still love my big hair! Your generation faces trends that will defy anything I had to face. May you be able to match your outfit to your testimony. I've spent thousands and thousands of dollars on outfits and can assure you that none of them are worth more than the armor of God. Your outfit will be all that some people will ever know about you. Is it the message you would want them to know? I miss the days of giant hair bows, smocked dresses, and Mary Jane shoes. But, I am okay with going toe to toe with you now that you are old enough to make your own decisions. So, beware and pray that the trends of the next few years will match up to your testimony.....OR, I hope you are out of style. Because I love you.

Lord, I pray that you are interceding with fashion designers and urging their hearts to develop clothes that speak modesty. I pray that you are working in my heart and those of other parents to demand a different style for young girls. I pray that you are preparing young men to seek modestly dressed girls and to hold them in a place of high honor. May our fashion choices honor You. Lord , I have never been tempted by reveling clothes - but, I have placed far too much importance on a label to cover up my insecurity. Work in my heart that I might be able to overcome that need. May our hearts and choices honor You. Guard our daughters choices that they may present themselves in an honorable way. You have entrusted us with a precious gift. More precious than silver or gold. Help me to fight the fight when necessary to uphold her testimony. Show me the battles that should be fought and the ones that can be avoided. Give her strength when she feels too weak to fight for her faith. Give me strength when someone says she isn't cool or doesn't have the right outfit. Make my choices a road map for her to follow and help her see through me to You. Amen

Waiting

While I'm Waiting

“We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭33:20-22‬ ‭NIV‬‬

As I finally have a diagnosis for my year of pain and trouble, my family and I have sat and talked about how we have seen the Lord use this trial for good. We believe Romans 8:28 and we believe that the Lord is using this difficult time to glorify His name. Our earthly minds and limited view cannot begin to comprehend what His plan is - but even with our limited view we have seen beautiful things come out of these months of tests. Some days our fear taking over and John holding me as we couldn't sleep. I wanted to share because either you or someone close to you will go through a similar trial and maybe this will be of some comfort to pay attention so you don't miss the good that can come from it.

1. I believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God sent to be our handbook, our inspiration, our instruction for our life. I was beyond blessed to watch my mother suffer beyond what I would wish on anyone and every single day she just wanted us to read God's promises over and over to her. We tried to show our daughter that same example and when we are afraid - you seek God's word. When you worry you turn to Matthew 6 and you read of God's love for you and His instruction not to worry. His word never failed us. My heartbeat would slow - my fears lifted - my focus regained. She will need that lesson and I pray we showed her a Biblical response to trials.

2. We are loved. Life gets so busy. Texting has become the #1 way to communicate. We were humbled by people who called, texted, held our hand, cried with us, fed us, encouraged us to laugh, and the hundreds of hugs we've experienced since January. It was a reminder of the times I have missed the opportunity to show someone how much they matter - and also a reminder not to wait for a rough time to show them. Those who called and said '"I will not take no for an answer, we are feeding your family this week." For someone who struggles with asking for help - you loved our family in such a special way. 

3. When you are faced with not knowing how much longer you will walk on the earth - my desire was to focus on what legacy I would leave. Our family prayed and prayed for an opportunity to expand His name. What an honor it is to know we chose to remember this trial with a gift to bring the word of God to people who have never had it. I am not sure we would have been humbled enough to make the sacrifice if we had been humming along with everything good. The Lord had prepared our hearts to leave something greater behind. 

4. Others will help carry your load. I have a tendency towards over commitment. I am a certified people pleaser who gets much satisfaction from making things pretty, organizing and implementing events. The day we were rocked with news that the test didn't look good - after the tears I started to go through my commitments for the next sixty days. How can I do this? How can I work, how can I run the mile run and 5k, how can I do the church commitments. I felt like I was drowning. Then, the calls started coming in - my precious sister said, "I'm doing the race for you - just give me the book." Followed by friends near and far saying, "I want to take this or that from you. You do not need the stress - let me lighten your load." Co-workers who said, "We will take this - you get better. We will keep things going." Friends - I can not express what that meant. You sacrificed your time to lighten our load. There are not enough thank yous to explain how much that helped. 

5. God is good and all the time God is good. We are now on the other side of a diagnosis with sweet hopes of me being "myself" by summer. We praise Him for our results. But, we are also reminded that others have had the fear only to get unwanted results. We hope that we have learned through this how to help someone through crisis. 

Lord, we won't comprehend this side of Heaven why you led our family through this for the past few months. But, we praise You for the small things that have made themselves known. Your word has been a lamp unto our feet. Your word has been our comfort. Your word has been our lifeline. Your word has been our hope. May Your name be glorified forever. Amen

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭27:13-14‬ ‭NIV‬‬