Better Over Bitter

I have not written for my blog in a long time.  Our life over the past year has been going thru changes and I was really struggling. Struggling with the stress. Struggling to hear His voice. Struggling in general.  I would start to write and then I would feel like my words were being scrambled and I decided that a season of quiet – a season of seeking – a season of reflection and prayer were more important for me and my family than My voice.

Having a teenage daughter today is hard.  The pressures they face are far different than what I faced growing up.  Most of it is made more prominent by social media.  But, our daughter was facing some social drama.  I was under extreme stress and my work/life balance seemed thrown for a loop.  My husband was struggling with how to help us both – but days were LONG.  I felt bitterness trying to creep into my heart.  Bitter that my husband didn’t get it. Bitter that my daughter was dealing with such hurt. Bitter that people I thought were my friends disappeared.  Bitter….

Then I remembered a Sunday School teacher from years ago told me that she would never put a fish symbol (for Christian) or her church sticker on the back of her car.  She tended to suffer from mild road rage and she didn’t want her church or her faith to be diminished because of her actions.  That image came back to me so vividly.  When we announce to the world that we are a Christian – the world expects BETTER. 

In reality, we all know that expecting BETTER from Christians can be a slippery slope at best.  We live in a fallen creation and the only thing we can be certain of is that we are all sinners and don’t deserve the grace we receive.  But, it is easy to see how people could think and expect “us” to be Better.  You want to see the fruits of the spirit in other people.  But, I am also reminded of the thousands of times where someone may have been expecting to see them in me – and I failed.  My expectation for the Better can quickly lead to Bitter when I’m let down.  

As I’ve been quiet and searching for healing I’ve been reminded that His word shows us how to forgo the Bitter for Better:

1. Better to Forgive Others – “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Col 3:13
2. Better to Give Thanks for the Gift of Grace – “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is a gift from God – Not by works so that no one can boast.” Eph 2: 8-9
3. Better to be intentional about what my faith & my families faith look like “Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.” Matthew 7:20
4. Better to keep seeking His truth even thru the noise. He is faithful.  “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jer 29:13

I am thankful for my time of quiet.  I am thankful for forgiveness and the burden that lifts from my shoulders in the process.  I am also thankful that fish sticker, church sticker or NOT – we can move from bitter to BETTER with His help.  

Lord,

I thank You for being faithful each and every day even if I couldn’t hear You.  You never left our side.  I pray that You will help me to replace any bitterness with Your promise.  I fail each day and I can’t expect others to be perfect.  I thank You for healing my heart and any scars left behind are reminders that point straight to You.  May we strive to produce good fruit. 

Amen

Change The Channel

I spend a lot of my life in my car.  A couple of weeks ago I was driving along listening to the radio.   Hating the song that was on!!!! I was driving along thinking ‘“Wow, what an awful song! I don’t like this song!!” When it hit me - you control the song! Turn the channel!! I know that may sound silly, but I was literally listening to something I hated forgetting the control was up to me. So, guess what....I changed the channel and found something I liked.

Last year I had a LOT of voices in my head. Unhealthy people telling me I wasn’t good - telling me I wasn’t good at my job - I wasn’t a good friend - I wasn’t a good mom - I wasn’t a good wife - I wasn’t slim enough - I wasn’t smart enough - I wasn’t....

I let those voices be amplified by Satan. He knows my desire to please and my desire for approval. He began to repeat those voices over and over - in fact, long after the people stopped - he was still busy filling my mind with everything I wasn’t.  I believed it. I let it seep into my mind and my heart until all I wanted to do was hide and cry.

Then, two weeks ago, I remembered, I control what station I listen to. I don’t have to be filled with lies.  While I am no where close to perfect - I know that I am not what those voices said I was.  

So, how am I prevent those voices from becoming my truth? 

When you hear the voice - does it match who God says you are? For me, it wasn’t a match. 

“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.”

Psalm 119:105 NIV

Pray for confirmation that the voice you hear is not the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will always line up to God’s Word. It may be a painful message - but it is for your good - not to harm your spirit.

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

Hebrews 4:12 

If these voices are coming from the same people - evaluate your ability to remove yourself from that person or group? 

“You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.”

Psalm 32:7 NIV

There is one voice that won’t fill us with lies. Our Lord and Savior. If you’ve been on the wrong station like me - turn the channel!! 

Let No Man Separate

Twenty five years ago today I was home from Alabama for the holidays. Our family was getting ready for a holiday party and everyone had their assignment to get the house ready for the party. I was dusting.  John and I had been dating for a year.  

If there is love at first sight ours was pretty close to that.  He would leave work in Huntsville and make the drive to Tuscaloosa just to have dinner with me. Drive home and sleep for a few hours before going to work again.  He did that for months before deciding maybe he should get his Masters :) 

The picture above is a gift that began about two weeks after our first date. He gave me the bracelet with the first slide being my birth stone.  He continued to fill it for each holiday of our first year together. (He comes across as not very romantic - but don’t let that fool you!) As I look at it today I love it even more.  

Back to December 23, John came to our house to help get ready.  Around 8:00 he asked if I wanted to go get some frozen yogurt. As we drove into town, he said he wanted to run by his house. His family had a tradition of letting you pick a gift to open on the 23rd.  

So, he handed me a little gift to open. As I opened it I realized it was a beautiful little box. Inside the box was the prettiest ring I had ever seen.  He then told me about an old couple who started their life with an empty box and as they lived life together they filled up their box with memories. Memories that money can’t buy and no one could ever take away.  He asked if my first memory for the box could be me saying “YES” to be his wife.  

Well- that didn’t take much thinking and I gladly agreed to be his wife.  

Twenty five years ago I can assure you I had no idea what it meant to be a wife.  I could barely appreciate much past the gorgeous white dress I had dreamt of. 

But, looking back here are things I have learned:

1. A marriage is a picture of grace. Two sinners. Who learn to forgive as they remember their own sin is great.

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”

Romans 3:23 ESV

2. A marriage is a picture of love. He gives us the recipe for a patient and kind love. Some days it isn’t easy to see, or even feel, but it is there.  

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant”

1 Corinthians 13:4

3. A marriage is most happy when you approach it selflessly. This one took me years to grasp. But, when I realized my marriage would be at its best when I thought more about him (and Him) than I thought about me, the Lord blessed us. 

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Genesis 2:24 ESV

4. A marriage is to be guarded.  The devil loves to destroy a Christian marriage. He loves to find ways to destroy our bond.  I pray daily for the Lord to protect and keep our family. This verse ended our wedding and it is always meaningful to me when I hear it.

“So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."”

Matthew 19:6 ESV

So, today I celebrate the memory box that was opened twenty five years ago.  The good times and the not so good times that have filled that box. That young boy and young girl who committed their marriage to the Lord. I am thankful for how we’ve grown and thankful that the Lord has been with us each of those days.

“In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Proverbs 3:6 ESV

Comfort in Suffering

“who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

2 Corinthians 1:4 NIV

I recently had a big prayer request. Not anything regarding health- just a request that could really give our family a boost.  I was excited. They were excited. I engaged some of the most powerful prayer warriors I know! We weren’t leaving anything to chance. We had an army praying about this request.  

I did my part. I was prepared. I was educated. I was in my new dress (those who know me know that was a MUST). People from New York to Orlando were praying.  

Then we waited. We continued to pray. Some times, I will admit, I wasn’t sure how to pray.  It would’ve been easy to say “PLEASE!!” But, I landed on “Lord, if it be your will -  let this be.” My husband would include it in each of his prayers. My little girl would include it in each of her prayers. On an even more precious note, I “snuck” a peak (she knew I was doing it) in her prayer journal from camp and it had this same prayer over and over again for her mom.  How precious.

Friends would call and text and alert me that they were still praying. Love that!!! Love being prayed for! 

You know what’s coming.....The request was denied. I can’t even describe my feelings when I found out. I seriously felt the earth move under my feet. I shook my head. How could this be? We had an army praying. We were consistent, persistent, and honest in our pleas. 

The Lord did answer - but with a resounding , “No”. 

To explain my devastation is difficult. I said all the right things, “It wasn’t His will.”, “He has a better plan.” Etc..... But, on the inside all I could think was , “WHY?!?” I was angry. I was hurt. I was alittle embarrassed to have to tell the army of prayer people that I had the answer. I was shaken about the future. You name it - I felt it. 

Sweet MP reassured me ,”Mom, something better is going to happen.” Sweet girl. And as I listened to her - knowing she was right - I still wasn’t there.  I wasn’t ready to let this go. I wasn’t ready to put on my happy pants. 

The next day, I began returning calls to the army. Then friend after friend cried with me and comforted me. What I realized was how quickly I may have said the same thing, “God has something better.” “Another door or window will open.” You’ve heard them.  How quickly I, knowing this to be true, would offer that as comfort. I now realize it may be even more powerful, as a Christian and a friend, just to hurt with them. Don’t rush them into that sunny space. It is true - and thank the Lord for that!! But, when you are hurting, it may feel even better to just take a moment and hurt with them. I know that I will be more thoughtful about my response. All come out of love and I am so grateful for any and all who pray with me. May my response allow them to hurt when they need to hurt and continue to remind them of the truth of His promise to use it all for His good. 

“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.”

Psalm 119:50  NIV

Lord,

I still believe Your promises. I praise You for my many blessings. I am so thankful that I can come to You honestly and bear my hurt in this and all my requests.  Continue to heal my heart and use this for Your glory.  May my response to others who hurt be changed with compassion and be slower to rush them to “move on”. 

Amen

Fruit in High School?

August was about preparing for High School.  Fun times shopping and scary times when she walked out of the dressing room at Altar’d State and I thought...Oh My!...you look old. No more “No bow no go!” In the mornings. (While I am alittle excited that she will be wearing a bow to cheer!!!) Her wings spread a little wider this summer as she went places without us and made decisions on her own.  But, this mom and dad also loved that you wanted to stay home tonight and the impromptu dance party at midnight. I love those moments.

High School is awesome. High School is scary. High School is stressful. High School is FUN! These years will continue to prepare your heart and mind for the time when Your wings will spread even further for college. 

You must remember that your faith is young, but even in High School, you must display the fruits of the spirit. There are people around you who may not know what it looks like to be a Christian. What if they see you and think that’s what it looks like? You will make mistakes - I do every single day. 

 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:22-23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

1) Love -  Love your friends and watch for those that need a kind word. Your shyness doesn’t excuse you from sharing the love of the Lord.

2) Joy - You should exhibit joy regardless of your circumstance. A good grade or a bad grade - a win or a failure - a circumstance or situation can’t steal your joy. 

3) Peace - Peace at High School can come in many forms. Being prepared for the test. Being well rested. Being organized. Being a good friend. 

4) Patience - Be patient with yourself. Be patient with others. Be patient with me and your dad. This is unchartered water for all of us and we will all make mistakes. 

5) Kindness - oh sweet kindness. It goes so far! It takes so little. You have a precious precious heart but don’t keep it hidden. Some of those moments where you have shown kindness are those when I truly see your love of Jesus. 

6) Gentleness - I will throw in another verse here because it is that important... “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;”

‭‭James‬ ‭1:19‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Be slow to speak. Take a moment and make sure your words are true and loving. Gentle with your actions and your words will limit regrets. 

7) Self-Control - To me this one may be the scariest. As you grow older, the consequences of your decisions are even greater. You will have to fight the flesh and continue to commit yourself to the Lord. You are entering a time where “life long decisions” take place. Be thoughtful about the impact of your decisions...who you ride with, who you surround yourself with...it matters. I am just a text away and you can ALWAYS blame me if you need an out!!! 

Lord,

Please cover the students going to school and the teachers and staff who will guide them.  Please protect them and surround them with those that would encourage their walk with You.  We know Satan will be there lurking. Give them confidence in their walk. May they magnify the fruits of the spirit and bring others to know You. 

Amen

The Devil in Disguise

I am so blessed to live close to a beautiful river. Not only do I live close to a river, but our city has done a wonderful job making a walking trail with views of the river.  It winds around and you can walk, run or bike along the beautiful path.  There is just one problem...in the hot Alabama summer there can be snakes :( YIKES! Nothing like a long slithery friend blocking your path to get that heart rate pumping!

While walking recently we came across this guy.  He was laid out blocking the path. You look around and you see beauty everywhere - then there is this snake.  Then, he slithers off, into the brush. Where he can hide.  Into the brush. Where he can disguise himself.  Into the brush.  Only to come out later and block someone else's path.

I thought about the irony of this creature blocking our path.  This cursed creature. Blocking our path. How perfectly it ties back to our walk with Christ.

We are walking along - enjoying the beauty - enjoying the bounty of His blessings - feeling strong - feeling tough - most likely praising along the way.  Then we make a turn and there he is - across our path.  Our first reaction is fear - but he isn't hissing at us - he is just there - then he begins to slither off - he wants you to follow.  It can be quite alluring - he promises comfort - no rocks in your shoes where he is taking you.  He promises you will be hidden - look at all the camouflage around - no one will know.  He promises you - a better path. Look at how much brush there is to hide his actions.  Satan causes us to hide - just as in the original sin.

How powerful his promises can sound - especially when you are feeling weak or down - shoot - he knows where to attack us.  His lies are so tempting.  So, when he crawls out and blocks your path, what is our response?

1) Recognize him - Acts 26:18 "Open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to lift and from the power of Satan to God." As Christians we must be able to recognize that he is watching for ways to cause us to drift off the path. Whether it is in your marriage, your finances, your family - where is he lurking? Not sure if it is the Lord prompting you or Satan? The Lord does not tempt you to do things that will hurt you.  “Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God," for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one.”
‭‭James‬ ‭1:13

2) Rebuke him - Mark 8:33 "Get behind me Satan! For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man." When I'm alone I find myself actually rebuking him out loud. I have yelled at him to get out of my home. I've yelled at him to get out of my car! You will appreciate that folks might just think I'm crazy if I did that in public :)



3) Refuse him - 1 Peter 5:8-9 "Be sober minded. Be watchful.  Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.  Resist him, firm in your faith..." The devil's  way devours you.  It looks enticing. It looks comfortable. But, when you get there - you are in a dark place. It is hard to find your way. So our best chance is to refuse to follow his path. Step over him and keep on the beautiful path. When we refuse to follow him we are allowed to enjoy the beautiful gifts around us.

Lord,
I praise You for Your beautiful creation that we get to enjoy.  How blessed we are to be able to walk along the riverside and see so many aspects of your creation.  When the path is clear - it is easy to let your guard down and forget that the devil is lurking. He is ready to block the path and take us off of the path You intended.  Thank You for providing instructions on how to fight against the attack.  Keep our guard up and ready with Your word to stay true to You.
Amen

A Joyous June

June’s memory was filled with surprises and fun. June’s adventure was not revealed to MP until her birthday. Years ago, John and I made a list of things that we wanted to do with Mary-Peyton in those precious first 18 summers. 

Our family loves tennis. We love to play tennis and we love to watch tennis. So, on the list was to go to the four grand slam tournaments around the world. We’ve made nine record trips to NYC for the US Open, made a fabulous trip to Wimbledon with our friends, and next on the list was the French Open.  

We knew this was the year to bring that promise to life. Planning trips gives me such joy that I started nine months earlier mapping out a dream itinerary. 

While MP didn’t know where June would take us, we made a deal to give up a couple of things to save money for a great surprise. 

We would travel by plane, EuroStar high speed train, bus, subway, taxi and walk about 56 miles on this trip.

We would overlook the Eiffel Tower in Paris and have a beautiful townhome in London.

Little did we know that even better surprises were in store.  

Surprise #1: We knew we would see both Ladies semifinal matches - but we got a wonderful email the day before saying because of weather problems earlier in the week we would also see Rafa Nadal play his semi final match!!!! We had always wanted to see him play and to see him play on his favorite surface and one that he dominates in was truly a great experience.

While I know enough French to get by(that's probably not true - I know enough to get directions and be polite) - we found communicating in France to be slightly challenging. We are still laughing about John, when he realized we had no idea what they were saying, said “Uh oh! What now?” Siri did a great job translating some for us!

After exploring Paris alittle, we would take the EuroStar to London. Our favorite place on earth. Our sweet little townhouse style place was perfectly located and we quickly became masters of the underground. 

Surprise #2: When we woke up and turned on the TV we saw that the royal family was having a parade and would be on the balcony of Buckingham Palace for the Air Force air display. Well, we dressed quickly and headed over. I couldn’t believe how close we could get and how wonderful it was to see them in person. Yes, MP and I did shed a tear when we saw them.

Surprise #3: I include this surprise only for comic relief. We had just left Buckingham Palace to do some shopping. There was a protest on the other side of the road. The shop keeper said that is normal and not to be alarmed.  So, we continued shopping. Walking down the street we began to hear laughs and gasps only to turn around and see 200+ “ladies and gentlemen” riding bicycles in the nude.  Yep, there was nothing pretty about it. It was shocking and awkward and trying to save my innocent daughter’s eyes at that point became our mission. Wow. 

We would tour the beautiful Cotswolds next and enjoyed learning the history of the gorgeous buildings. We met neat people along the way and even had lunch next to a couple from Huntsville. He had a Roll Tide shirt on! Even across the pond 😂

We ended by retracing the steps of the recent Royal Wedding. Walking the aisle at St. George’s Chapel was surreal. Queen Mary’s Dollhouse at Windsor is something to behold.

It was a magical trip. Worth skipping our favorite things for six months to save. It was keeping a promise. It was about memories for the three of us. It was creating funny inside jokes that our family will share forever. As a parent there are many promises that I haven’t been able to keep. For whatever reason....some I should never have made, some have changed with age or circumstance...but, I am so thankful that we kept this promise. Thank you to those that prayed with us before, during and after this trip. Our travels, while tiring, went seamlessly and without trouble. Our year of memories is half way over now and I am looking forward to what fun lies ahead. But, oh how thankful we are for the new memories we’ve made!
Lord,
We thank you for your blessings over our trip. We thank You for allowing our family to devote this time to making memories that will last a lifetime.  When our hearts are weary - thank You for reminding us of our many blessings.  May the joy of our trip only be overshadowed by our joy for You.
Amen
"Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name, make known among the nations what he has done." Psalm 105:1