Open The Eyes of My Heart

“Having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1:18-19‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Our world seems to be moving at such a fast pace. As a Christian, some times I have to remind myself that The Lord is present.  I hate to admit, that sometimes I can do my Bible Study, pray, go to church and still feel like I'm on my own.  A recent Bible study has stuck with me and offered me some much needed clarity and humbleness about times when I feel this way.

In 1 Kings 8, just before Solomon's great prayer of blessing over the new temple, The Lord reveals himself in a cloud of smoke. The cloud filled the temple and even stopped activities until the smoke cleared.

“And when the priests came out of the Holy Place, a cloud filled the house of the Lord, so that the priests could not stand to minister because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled the house of the Lord.”
‭‭1 Kings‬ ‭8:10-11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I couldn't get this out of my head! I need a cloud of smoke to show me His presence! Wouldn't it bring you comfort when something good or bad happened if you could see that visual puff of smoke to know He is here?  On that day, when we found out my mom had cancer, what if as we were leaving the Doctor's office a could of smoke appeared? A visual reminder that The Lord is in control even when we feel alone.  I know I would love it!

I've had times in my Christian walk when I've struggled to feel Him.  I am so thankful that He has urged me to continue to seek Him - even when I couldn't see or feel Him.  I haven't talked to anyone other than my husband about this - maybe that is normal? I only know how it is for me.

I'm not very good at being quiet. I'm not very good at being still.  Maybe that is why only three times in my life I have heard the words or The Lord.  I couldn't tell you how that compares to others - but for me each time has been special and unique. The most recent happened only three weeks ago.  I was so burdened and concerned that I spent my lunch time praying. No one else around. Just me praising Him for my blessings and laying my concern before His feet.  I finished my prayer, said Amen and seconds later an audible voice said, "I've got this." It shook me because I thought I was alone.  I looked around and I was very much still alone.  I was shaken up! I called my husband first, "The Lord told me He has this!" I called my sister, " The Lord says He had this!" For days it was all I could think about or talk about!

Then, right on cue, I read 1 Kings and the story of the cloud of smoke and the visual sign of God's glory.  I was humbled that I longed so much for a cloud to show me He is here. I know He is here - even when I can't see Him.

Lord,
Forgive me on those days when I doubt Your presence. I praise You for speaking to me that day to give my spirit a jolt. I do not want to be the kind of Christian that doubts Your presence.  I thank You for opening my eyes to Your glory.  I trust in Your Word and Your Word offers assurance over and over of your presence in my life.  Your voice to me that day was beautiful and I praise You for weaving together that prayer and my Bible study. Continue to encourage me to seek You - even when there is no cloud of smoke.
Amen

To my out of style daughter

Today's style is focused on stick thin bodies and outfits that are becoming more revealing. May you always be out of style. When parents of future boyfriends see you - I hope they say how out of style you are. I hope they notice that they have never seen certain parts of you.  I hope the world will always wonder what your teenage self would look like in some of today's styles. I hope they ask you why your bathing suit covers your body. Use this chance to tell them your fashion designer's name.

While I won't be silly enough to think this will protect you. I will be bold enough to help you ward off eyes to your body. You only get one chance to be a young lady. You will spend 80% or so of your life being an adult. Enjoy the 20% time to guard your heart and your body so that 100% can bring the utmost glory to Your Designer.

When you are in my home, I will help you be your most beautiful self. When you see me flinch my nose at a choice - make a note - you will do the same one day to a little girl that you would do anything to protect. Your body is a living testimony. Everything from your head to your toes signals to the outside world who you live for. You do not live to be on the best dressed list. You do not live for a trend that will pass quickly. You live to bring others to a closer relationship with the One and Only Jesus. Your unstylish choices now will make a difference later.

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:25‬ ‭ESV

My prayer for you is that your 20% time is a time of preparation and modesty. Trends change - trust me - trust the photos of me and my jelly shoes in sixth grade, or acid wash jeans in high school. Trust me and my big hair senior portraits - oh wait - I do still love my big hair! Your generation faces trends that will defy anything I had to face. May you be able to match your outfit to your testimony. I've spent thousands and thousands of dollars on outfits and can assure you that none of them are worth more than the armor of God. Your outfit will be all that some people will ever know about you. Is it the message you would want them to know? I miss the days of giant hair bows, smocked dresses, and Mary Jane shoes. But, I am okay with going toe to toe with you now that you are old enough to make your own decisions. So, beware and pray that the trends of the next few years will match up to your testimony.....OR, I hope you are out of style. Because I love you.

Lord, I pray that you are interceding with fashion designers and urging their hearts to develop clothes that speak modesty. I pray that you are working in my heart and those of other parents to demand a different style for young girls. I pray that you are preparing young men to seek modestly dressed girls and to hold them in a place of high honor. May our fashion choices honor You. Lord , I have never been tempted by reveling clothes - but, I have placed far too much importance on a label to cover up my insecurity. Work in my heart that I might be able to overcome that need. May our hearts and choices honor You. Guard our daughters choices that they may present themselves in an honorable way. You have entrusted us with a precious gift. More precious than silver or gold. Help me to fight the fight when necessary to uphold her testimony. Show me the battles that should be fought and the ones that can be avoided. Give her strength when she feels too weak to fight for her faith. Give me strength when someone says she isn't cool or doesn't have the right outfit. Make my choices a road map for her to follow and help her see through me to You. Amen

Waiting

While I'm Waiting

“We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭33:20-22‬ ‭NIV‬‬

As I finally have a diagnosis for my year of pain and trouble, my family and I have sat and talked about how we have seen the Lord use this trial for good. We believe Romans 8:28 and we believe that the Lord is using this difficult time to glorify His name. Our earthly minds and limited view cannot begin to comprehend what His plan is - but even with our limited view we have seen beautiful things come out of these months of tests. Some days our fear taking over and John holding me as we couldn't sleep. I wanted to share because either you or someone close to you will go through a similar trial and maybe this will be of some comfort to pay attention so you don't miss the good that can come from it.

1. I believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God sent to be our handbook, our inspiration, our instruction for our life. I was beyond blessed to watch my mother suffer beyond what I would wish on anyone and every single day she just wanted us to read God's promises over and over to her. We tried to show our daughter that same example and when we are afraid - you seek God's word. When you worry you turn to Matthew 6 and you read of God's love for you and His instruction not to worry. His word never failed us. My heartbeat would slow - my fears lifted - my focus regained. She will need that lesson and I pray we showed her a Biblical response to trials.

2. We are loved. Life gets so busy. Texting has become the #1 way to communicate. We were humbled by people who called, texted, held our hand, cried with us, fed us, encouraged us to laugh, and the hundreds of hugs we've experienced since January. It was a reminder of the times I have missed the opportunity to show someone how much they matter - and also a reminder not to wait for a rough time to show them. Those who called and said '"I will not take no for an answer, we are feeding your family this week." For someone who struggles with asking for help - you loved our family in such a special way. 

3. When you are faced with not knowing how much longer you will walk on the earth - my desire was to focus on what legacy I would leave. Our family prayed and prayed for an opportunity to expand His name. What an honor it is to know we chose to remember this trial with a gift to bring the word of God to people who have never had it. I am not sure we would have been humbled enough to make the sacrifice if we had been humming along with everything good. The Lord had prepared our hearts to leave something greater behind. 

4. Others will help carry your load. I have a tendency towards over commitment. I am a certified people pleaser who gets much satisfaction from making things pretty, organizing and implementing events. The day we were rocked with news that the test didn't look good - after the tears I started to go through my commitments for the next sixty days. How can I do this? How can I work, how can I run the mile run and 5k, how can I do the church commitments. I felt like I was drowning. Then, the calls started coming in - my precious sister said, "I'm doing the race for you - just give me the book." Followed by friends near and far saying, "I want to take this or that from you. You do not need the stress - let me lighten your load." Co-workers who said, "We will take this - you get better. We will keep things going." Friends - I can not express what that meant. You sacrificed your time to lighten our load. There are not enough thank yous to explain how much that helped. 

5. God is good and all the time God is good. We are now on the other side of a diagnosis with sweet hopes of me being "myself" by summer. We praise Him for our results. But, we are also reminded that others have had the fear only to get unwanted results. We hope that we have learned through this how to help someone through crisis. 

Lord, we won't comprehend this side of Heaven why you led our family through this for the past few months. But, we praise You for the small things that have made themselves known. Your word has been a lamp unto our feet. Your word has been our comfort. Your word has been our lifeline. Your word has been our hope. May Your name be glorified forever. Amen

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭27:13-14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Trust

Trust

It has always been okay. Mammograms - okay. Female tests - okay. For thirty years I've always gotten the phone message - everything looks good. Until......I got a different call. Countless prayer warriors praying over me. But, the last 5 days have been the scariest of my life. Weeks ago, I asked someone to pray with me that whatever I faced I would have the strength and faith to believe that the Lord will be glorified through whatever the test results show. That is much easier when the news is good. Trust

“What time I am afraid, I will put my trust in thee.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭56:3‬ ‭ASV‬‬

I've spent three days reeling my mind back in. Don't let your imagination take over. Focus on how you feel today. The Lord is in control. Watching my sweet husband sit and a random tear fall.  Wishing he would stop googling all of my crazy symptoms.  Wearing a somewhat false smile when talking. Maybe they won't sense the enormous weight I'm feeling.  Act normal. Don't fall apart in front of MP. I don't want to distract her from her school work. There are too many unknowns right now. Trust

“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.””
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I always considered myself to be healthy. I run or play tennis every day! My treadmill or bike are not just used as extra clothes hangers.  I'm 44! I just had a birthday! I have a wonderful job, a precious family, a precious school, sweet friends, a glorious church, ......I've lost my mom, my in-laws, our second child. Trust

“In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭25:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

 While we are waiting for more tests we trust in His plan for my life. We thank also the many people praying as we await a diagnosis. The prayers have given us comfort and encouragement! Our faith rests in knowing that God is on His throne. May He be glorified through this and all aspects of our life.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Matt 6:25-27

A Prayer that Makes Him Smile

I've never craved a study in 1 Kings. It just has never been on my list of one of those books you go to for inspiration, encouragement or guidance! But, The Lord works in mysterious ways and used this book in my life this week.  I am thankful that He knew I needed to be in 1 Kings even when I didn't!

Let me back up...so, our class just began an in depth study in 1 Kings.  We are very early in the book. So, as we were going to be in the car for awhile yesterday I brought along my book and Bible and John and I were going to discuss our chapter that we read for homework.  Let me just tell you, Chapter 1 and 2 don't leave you with a warm and fuzzy feeling.  It starts with an old and cold King (literally! Ha!) and by the end of Chapter 2 we have a new king and a series of folks dead. King Solomon has gone on a tear clearing the kingdom of anyone who might cause a threat.  (Bible scholars everywhere are rolling over in their graves at my two sentence synopsis!)

It, in fact, left me with a not so encouraged feeling! What can I learn from this! I kept reading into Chapter 3 in hopes of a glimpse of encouragement. I, like others, struggle from time to time with prayer. Not saying them, but saying them without selfishness or ambition.  Sometimes, my prayer might sound like this...

      Lord, shower my family with blessings. Keep them all healthy and free from hard. Don't let anything bad happen to them. Amen

No doubt something like that prayer has been prayer over and over again. Now, of course, I added "If it be your will!" That makes it unselfish doesn't it!

1 Kings 3 gives us a model for a prayer request that made God smile. That gives me chill bumps! A prayer that makes God smile!

"The Lord was pleased that Solomon made this request." 1 Kings 3:10

It caused me to pause and reflect on recent prayer requests - as I mutter them - have they caused God to smile?  Sometimes -yes, sometimes - no!
Solomon's request for wisdom came from an unselfish place. A place that could be used to expand the  kingdom (not Solomon's kingdom, but the Heavenly Kingdom!) The Lord was pleased and gave that plus much more.  The story goes on to show Solomon demonstrating his God given wisdom and what an impact it had on his kingdom. They knew this was from Heaven.

About four hours after we returned home, I received an urgent text from a friend. She needed guidance on an issue that she is facing. A scary position and one that I surely don't have the answer. But, I was able to point her to that passage. Pray not for our will, not for what we want, but that we would make Him smile with our request for guidance.

Lord,
I thank you for prompting me to continue reading. I thank you for showing a prayer that made You smile. I thank you for the reminder of the impact we can have on a watching world when we seek Your guidance and live in faith.  I am humbled by the many prayers that I have said from a selfish place. Thank you for Your continued love and recognition that I am a work in progress. Amen

The Master Gardener

A beautiful town in Austria

The past few weeks have been rough! My heart has been troubled, health issues, stress from all directions adding up to a overwhelming feeling of helplessness.  If I went into great detail I think most would agree - it is one of those seasons that we have faced and will likely face again.  Our life goes through changes and stress regardless of age, wealth or commitment to Christ. 

I find myself almost sensing the Lord pruning my life.  Refinement is not fun.  Refinement takes me out of my comfort zone. Refinement requires me to open my heart - to make an honest assessment of where my values are placed.  It hurts!

I had things like I liked them (notice the I)! I like order! I like neat! I've made a list! I have a plan! (could I say I anymore?!) All the while, the Lord showing me..."You haven't given me This Part, You haven't given me That part...Your list is nice - but my plan is better." These refinements are not part of my plan!

When I am overwhelmed my comfort comes in repeating some of my favorite verses that provide comfort and reminders of His promises to me.  To remind me that He is in control even when my list is nothing more than scratch paper. 

I curled up on the sofa with MP and said, "I am the vine. You are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you; You will bear much fruit, apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

This verse has a special meaning for our family. As we prayed for the Lord to send us on a mission trip, He made a way for us to visit Austria.  A beautiful country surrounded by beautiful vineyards - but many lacking a knowledge of the One True Gardner.  They were so gorgeous - beautifully manicured rows of grapes.  Such care taken to protect their fruit. The gardener taking precious time to ensure the plant had the best chance to bear fruit.

Seeing this in person left a beautiful impression of how the Lord works so carefully to prune our lives.  How He works to give us the best chance to bear fruit, IF, we remain in Him.  My life is a work in progress. My job is to remain in Him and to allow the pieces that will not yield fruit to be cut away.

Lord, there is no one who knows my life better than you.  There is also no gardener capable of helping my life to bear the best fruit.  Help me to surrender my list to you. Help me to seek you for the plan.  Help me to remain in You. 

Your Word is a Lamp Unto My Feet

Acts 15:31 says "When they read it aloud, the people rejoiced at its encouragement."

Reading at our house is not fun. Dyslexia is doing its best to steal the joy that can come from sitting quietly and being transformed through the words of a book.  This struggle affects every area of our life. Having mixed up letters (or numbers) changes not just "reading". It makes a math problem a challenge, instructions become difficult, a recipe becomes something to decode. Most things that people consider normal and easy are made harder.

As I sit with her each night and listen to her try and try to read and to make sense of these jumbled up letters, I turn my head so she can't see my chin start to quiver and a tear fall.  I wipe the tear and give her an encouraging smile to keep going. Watching her work so hard and for it not to be getting easier makes this mother's heart ache.

So, when our family committed to do a Christmas Advent exercise that involved reading and writing scripture each day, I never dreamed this would be something she would be excited about.  I praise Him that I was wrong.  John and I had been doing the reading aloud and we each started a journal to write down the verses.  After a few days, she said, "Can I be the one to read the Bible?" I almost said No.  In the back of my mind thinking, "Oh this will be too hard, it will take too long....it is much easier for us to read it, these words are hard and some unfamiliar! I want this to be a special time, not a frustrating time!!" But, wanting to encourage her - I gave in.  I passed her the Bible and told her the verses...Isaiah 11:6-10...What came next was so moving that even five days later, as I write this, my page is marked with tears.

It was beautiful. It was confident. It flowed with ease. Her voice proudly reading His word. I had told her to stop at verse 10, but as she neared the end of that verse she just kept going.  I tried to interrupt - nope, she kept on.

I was amazed. We read simple and hard books and with each one we struggle. Yet, she was able to read the Word of The Lord with confidence. May I have the same hunger for His Word. May I be so confident that I keep reading far past the "required" portion. Lord, I do not question why my child faces this struggle. I believe it is part of your perfect plan. I praise You that of ALL the books that could come easily - that you have opened her eyes and her heart for Your word. Thank you for unscrambling the letters for her.  If she never loves another book - continue to give her a love for Your Word. Amen