“We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.”
Psalm 33:20-22 NIV
As I finally have a diagnosis for my year of pain and trouble, my family and I have sat and talked about how we have seen the Lord use this trial for good. We believe Romans 8:28 and we believe that the Lord is using this difficult time to glorify His name. Our earthly minds and limited view cannot begin to comprehend what His plan is - but even with our limited view we have seen beautiful things come out of these months of tests. Some days our fear taking over and John holding me as we couldn't sleep. I wanted to share because either you or someone close to you will go through a similar trial and maybe this will be of some comfort to pay attention so you don't miss the good that can come from it.
1. I believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God sent to be our handbook, our inspiration, our instruction for our life. I was beyond blessed to watch my mother suffer beyond what I would wish on anyone and every single day she just wanted us to read God's promises over and over to her. We tried to show our daughter that same example and when we are afraid - you seek God's word. When you worry you turn to Matthew 6 and you read of God's love for you and His instruction not to worry. His word never failed us. My heartbeat would slow - my fears lifted - my focus regained. She will need that lesson and I pray we showed her a Biblical response to trials.
2. We are loved. Life gets so busy. Texting has become the #1 way to communicate. We were humbled by people who called, texted, held our hand, cried with us, fed us, encouraged us to laugh, and the hundreds of hugs we've experienced since January. It was a reminder of the times I have missed the opportunity to show someone how much they matter - and also a reminder not to wait for a rough time to show them. Those who called and said '"I will not take no for an answer, we are feeding your family this week." For someone who struggles with asking for help - you loved our family in such a special way.
3. When you are faced with not knowing how much longer you will walk on the earth - my desire was to focus on what legacy I would leave. Our family prayed and prayed for an opportunity to expand His name. What an honor it is to know we chose to remember this trial with a gift to bring the word of God to people who have never had it. I am not sure we would have been humbled enough to make the sacrifice if we had been humming along with everything good. The Lord had prepared our hearts to leave something greater behind.
4. Others will help carry your load. I have a tendency towards over commitment. I am a certified people pleaser who gets much satisfaction from making things pretty, organizing and implementing events. The day we were rocked with news that the test didn't look good - after the tears I started to go through my commitments for the next sixty days. How can I do this? How can I work, how can I run the mile run and 5k, how can I do the church commitments. I felt like I was drowning. Then, the calls started coming in - my precious sister said, "I'm doing the race for you - just give me the book." Followed by friends near and far saying, "I want to take this or that from you. You do not need the stress - let me lighten your load." Co-workers who said, "We will take this - you get better. We will keep things going." Friends - I can not express what that meant. You sacrificed your time to lighten our load. There are not enough thank yous to explain how much that helped.
5. God is good and all the time God is good. We are now on the other side of a diagnosis with sweet hopes of me being "myself" by summer. We praise Him for our results. But, we are also reminded that others have had the fear only to get unwanted results. We hope that we have learned through this how to help someone through crisis.
Lord, we won't comprehend this side of Heaven why you led our family through this for the past few months. But, we praise You for the small things that have made themselves known. Your word has been a lamp unto our feet. Your word has been our comfort. Your word has been our lifeline. Your word has been our hope. May Your name be glorified forever. Amen
“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”
Psalm 27:13-14 NIV
